Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Tattoo Removal?

I recently had to let something go. Well, I guess I didn't HAVE to. No one forced me. I chose to do it. Something that has been dear to me, even though most of the time I had forgotten why it was so very important.
But what was important was the symbol of this particular item. It symbolized, to me and to others, that my past was perhaps more important than my present. And it's certainly scary to let go of what you've come to depend upon to always be there.
I guess it would be like taking away my daughter's "blankie." She can't sleep without her soft, often dirty, pink blanket. Fortunately, no one took anything away from me. And I will probably never force my daughter to give up her blanket. She'll have to decide when she's ready to grow up and move on.
I think I'm ready to grow up and move on. I've come to terms with my fears, and I've realized that I'm not losing anything that is important to me. And I'm actually gaining so much by simply letting go of that fear. I'm gaining back (perhaps for the first time?) my husband's trust. I'm gaining back a love and respect for myself that is not dependent upon the loss of any material item.
In spite of my title, this isn't tattoo removal. I can't erase the marks I have. But I can choose to stop looking at them as "who I am." My marks don't define me. I am way more complex. Just ask my husband.

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