Monday, November 21, 2011

Crazy Times

Life is crazy. Events seem to go by in a blur, with pops of kids laughter, crying, activities, chores...

I've been knitting a lot. I'm working on tops, sweaters, pants, and sets; for others and for my own kids. I FINALLY knit Bella a sweater. She's more than thrilled that something I'm working on is actually for her. It's delightful to see her delighted. :)

I'm also painting the interior of our NEW HOUSE. It's a process, because we are transitioning from 950 square feet, to 2700 square feet. It's surreal. But we love it. I can't even begin to express how much less stress I have, only because my wild children have more space in which to go wild, and it's not all on the ride side of my head.

I will do my best to get back into the blog. Moving and holidays coming up, it's been a challenge. But let me leave you with a list of 5 things I'm thankful for this holiday season:

1. This year, we will have a Thanksgiving meal in our home. We will cook without stepping on each other, and as we have others over to eat, we will not be faced with the prospect of who should sit on whom's lap.

2. This year, we will be able to buy a full-sized Christmas tree, and we will not have to move furniture around in order to make it fit.

3. This year, when the house gets messy, and hectic, and I'm in need of some "mommy-time" I will retreat to MY bathroom, where I have MY OWN bathtub, and I will take a hot bath. ALONE. (Sorry, husband. You are not invited. Not this time)

4. This year, when I need to buy a crazy amount of food and baking supplies, I will have space in my new big fridge, the extra fridge in our attached (*gasp*) garage, and my spacious pantry! (Insert here whatever music or sounds bring about thoughts of dreams coming true, fairy godmothers, and meeting prince charming)

5. This year, when I say I want to MAKE gifts for Christmas, I will have my very own craft/knitting/sewing room in which to retreat and actually follow through with my creative intentions. Many thanks to my husband for supporting me in my endeavors to make this dream possible.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Strange thing...

I started using Pinterest, and it's making me a better mother.

Well, it makes me feel like I'm a better mother. I'm actually feeling like my brain is organized into catagories and I have PICTURES and links to follow, and practical instructions on how to do these projects that I really have wanted to do, but never really do, because I don't know where to start.

And those who have known me for years are snickering, because for years I claimed that I wasn't crafty, and don't get me started on "crafts" (said with icky distain over the ridge of my crinkled nose).

But I'm not going to alter that claim; I do hate crafts. I dislike what was called "crafts" in Sunday school with that boring construction paper, and glue, and elbow macaroni. That was lame, and even at the age of 6 I was aware of it.

No, not crafty. I am artistic.

(don't laugh)

I love making things. But I want them to be useful and practical, and solve a problem I've been meaning to solve. I learned to knit a couple of years ago, and the problem that solved was excess tension. Amazingly, focusing on stitching a scarf into existence really does solve two problems for me. The first is that I need to be warm. And scarfs are trendy and beautiful. The second is (or is it the third...?) knitting relaxes me and helps me not to worry about all the "stuff" that moms worry about. Or the stuff women worry about. Or wives... whatever. I worry a lot. And it makes me tense. Knitting helps. End of story.

So with this Pinterest thing, I am learning that I can do even more. I can make my kids clothes. I can decorate. I can cook (again). I can enjoy my kids because I'm not worrying about the fact that I'm NOT being creative or artistic with the space and objects around me. Instead, I go look at my boards, and pin new pins to my boards, and I see what others are doing to keep their children from running wild (i.e., yes, it usually entails a kind of craft...).

So the ultimate purpose of this blog is to say that I'm spreading my wings in the sky of crafting. I am learning to love to make, and create, and I think this is making me a better mother. A calm and happy mommy is a good mommy. Oh, and I saw this quote on Pinterest today:

"Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids."

So on my path to being more crafty, my floors will be sticky with glue, my oven will be dirty with all the amazing food I'm cooking, and my kids will be happy because they've been eating glue and smearing it on the floor.

Ah, on to another day of cyber-craftiness.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Mad Mommy

It's been a long time. I've given up on having the "right time" or "quiet" before I sit to write anything.

In spite of my attempts to make my children TV addicts, they insist on having fantastic imaginations, paired with a lot of activity and moving about. They just aren't going to make good couch-potatoes, and I've relinquished the dream.

I am increasingly amazed at the quantity of words that escape the mouth of my 3-year-old. She never, ever stops talking. And her conversations (mostly with imaginary people) focus primarily on princesses, parties, marriage, weddings, and prince charming. I don't know what to do with her. When I'm tired (always), I usually enjoy a quiet time, followed by more quiet time, and maybe a cup of coffee (or five). This just does not happen in the real world as I know it, and therefore frustration ensues.

This leads to the appearance of "mad mommy." The "mad" in this case does not refer to "crazy" (although that would not be very inappropriate here), but instead refers to the raising of my voice and blood-pressure. When I don't get the time alone I require, I become quite agitated. I'm really not the best loving and nurturing mother these days. I'd like to be that kind of mommy, all the time. But I'm usually 80% mad, 20% nurturing. I'm not okay with that.

Some days are worse than others. Some WEEKS are worse than others. I find that getting out of the house (as stressful as that can be with 3 little ones in tow), really helps. Even if it's a quick trip to Target or a desperate drive through the country. The kids like it too. They don't love being cooped up in our tiny home any more than I do (remember, NOT couch-potato types).

I'm just now starting to see that time will bring more quiet times. Now that Ivey, my youngest, is 14 months, and I'm anticipating preschool for both the older 2 next year, I'm hoping for more time to write, and perhaps more time for quiet reflection on why I do, indeed, love being a mother to my children. And although I can not quite fathom having another baby at this time, maybe someday I'll have that desire.

But until then, I'm working on keeping Mad Mommy at bay. I hear she takes Rocky Road ice cream as a peace offering...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Woman in the Corner Judging Me

Often I'm struck with a strange voyeuristic perspective on my daily activities.

I'm suddenly outside my own body, and I see a frazzled woman gripping her 9 month old baby under one arm, while frantically vacuuming with the other. She has a weird look on her face. She looks like she might cry. Why doesn't she just put down the baby?

And then I come back to myself and tell that girl over in the corner judging me that I CAN'T put the d@mn baby down because I will not listen to her screech at me for another minute, nor will I fight her attempt to climb up my leg while simultaneously pulling down my pants.

Why are my pants able to be pulled down by a 9-month-old you might ask? Well, I'm either wearing the sweatpants or stretchy leggings I slept in the night before, OR I'm wearing jeans that are a size too big.

Which leads to another topic, why my pants are too big. Well, I suppose most women would welcome the "problem" of loose-fitting clothing (myself included). However, my weight loss is the direct result of the previously mentioned 9-month-old still sucking on my b@@bs 24/7. Yes, she is addicted to me. I can't sleep without her crying "mama" from the crib beside our bed, getting increasingly louder in her request for nursing time, so I must get her in order to allow my husband to sleep so he can get up for work the next day.

So here she comes, into our bed, into my special place where I only want to sleep and make love. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Instead, I let her nurse beside me. I do this because I can still sleep a little while she eats. Then sometimes I am awake enough to try putting her back in her bed; often times, I'm not awake, and she stays all night. Eating. Sucking the fat right off my body.

I wake up in the morning 2 pounds lighter and hungry as a horse. However, I don't have time to feed myself, as there are diapers to change, and children demanding milk, and juice, and eggs. I usually just have a couple cups of coffee before I remember that I should also eat...

Where was I going with this? Well, aside from the bitter complaint that my kids are super demanding right now and I'm going on little sleep. I think it was just that. Life is hard right now. And I feel a little crazy.

But on a positive note, I'm skinny.